The Bro Cook

by Colleen Allerton | @lleenypants

The only thing worse than a kitchen misogynist is a noisy kitchen misogynist.

Everybody knows at least one. If the culture of your kitchen sucks, you might know more; I've been lucky enough to work in many kitchens where they're in the minority, but boy does that make them louder. I have a theory that if a kitchen misogynist/brocook has no one else to make dumb, sexist, often racially insensitive "jokes" to, (By the way, they're just jokes! Don't be so sensitive!) he will do so louder in hopes to summon other kitchen bros from neighboring restaurants. It's like a kitchen bro mating call- only not because that would be "gay."

I'm not without compassion; I understand the plight of the kitchen bro. They've been merely been displaced from their natural habitats, areas such as, but not limited to: any kitchen before 2010 and Europe. With that being said, we need to help them acclimate to their new environment which is the kitchen of 2016. Here everyone keeps their heads down and works and those who don't aren't "acting like little girls," they're just shitty cooks.

How can you help a bro cook? Educate him! First, you may need to remind him of your name because he probably calls you baby or sweetheart or something that should sound nice, but is infuriating because it is not your name. Now, explain to him that his female coworkers are almost certainly women and not girls because girls are children and children usually don't work in professional kitchens in this country. Then, insist that he refer to his female colleagues as women. Keep at it; this won't be easy, but just like potty-training a puppy, it'll be worth it! Here comes the hard part: clarify that his using the terms "women, girls, ladies," pejoratively is insulting to women, girls, and ladies. Warning: he will not understand. Try reversing it on him. Use his name. Example: "Y'all are breaking down these boxes like a bunch of little Lee's!" Let some time pass to see if he's understood any of this new information.

If and when educating a bro cook doesn't work, you still have options. You can recommend that he eats an actual dick and continue going about your business, you can simply wait for him to get fired because he probably sucks, or you can lock him in the freezer.

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